My mind is like a vast sea, a strong current fighting which way to go, decisions wanting to be made, and yet, not chosen. My heart right now is ripped, torn, and pulled apart into many fragile pieces. Theres the world, Me, and God. Each of them are at war with each other, over me. My heart desires to be more, more of this world. Id taken as far as to say, my heart longs to be apart of something it only dreams of, it longs to be with its creator. The world though, devious and tempting, plays false love songs on my heart strings trying to waver its decision. I literally can feel the war, the battle, raging inside myself. It is causing me distress, and unhappiness. I hate this world, and i hate everything it has to offer me.. I only long to be with my creator. But, i realize that God has given me a mission here. He knew me before i was made, and strategically made a plan for my life. He loved me enough to choose me for his special mission, so out of love and obedience for Him, i will answer His call. It seems so easy though, so why is it so hard for me to follow through. To each day serve Him with everything I have? To sit and spend time with Him, to learn about Him, to share His love with every person I meet, the people i know, The people I love. I hate this world and how it robs me of my dreams and desires, how it pollutes my heart and mind. How it takes the very mission i wish to fulfill, and dilute my zeal for it. How the world takes the very people i wish to reach, to help, to share Gods everlasting love with, and make me dislike them, not want to be around them and make them dislike me. Its such a infuriating experience, and I'm praying God brings me through it victorious. I know you may undermine my heart for God through this, but I am just being transparent. I love my Creator, my Teacher, my Lover. He is my everything and the reason i make it through each day. I will never stop singing of his love. " Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God almighty."
I hope you have a blessed day.
